Moving Forward

On Feeling Better

As a grief counselor and group facilitator I am constantly vigilant for more tools to help us to feel better.  Usual advice suggests that we adjust our attitude, but that is difficult to do in the throes of agony.  Research shows that by taking an action, doing something positive, there is a chance to have a few minutes “off” from the grief.  A simple thing when you feel your gloomiest is to make your face smile.  It kicks on neurons in your brain and lifts your mood.  You need 40 smiles in a day or 20 minutes worth.  Try it.

Another point: Let go of any magical thoughts that somehow someone will rescue you from your grief.  It is personal.  No one can do it for you.  It may take a very long time, but it is your job to try.  It is possible to feel better but it takes some baby steps toward a change.  A first step is to know that it is up to you, the second is to move past the fear that stops you.  The change can be little; to make a new friend, to go out once a week, to lose five pounds, to organize the pantry, to help a family member, to take a trip, or to volunteer.  Science understands that our brains run a sort of narrative when it is not actively focused.  Grief stuck people often run a negative “story.”  It is important to stay in the present.  We have the now. Work to calm your brain.

A few tips to get you started:

• Define a step you can take.
• Acknowledge the fears that are holding you back.
• Move forward in an action and do not allow that fear to control you.
• Find a trusted friend and have a Truth Conversation in which they function to intervene against your dark, scary thoughts.

Freeing Ourselves from Anxiety:

• Admit to feeling anxious. Decide to get control of it.
• Stop alcohol and limit caffeine. Take up something that is meditative for you: walking, yoga, reflection. WORK TO CALM YOUR BRAIN!!!
• See that you can make things happen. Anxiety is an old neural pattern deep within our brain. We have used it for a long time. We can retrain our brains.
• Take responsibility for your entire life. Stop any “blame games”.
• Spend time around well-evolved people, work to avoid Toxic people.
• Figure out your life purpose and stick with it. Live through your purpose.
• Science has proven that personal growth moves your brain in a positive way.
• Surround yourself with winner people.
• Work to help others to grow. Helping others makes us feel better.